


An Unkind Expedition

by andachippedcup



Series: Domestic Belle [7]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-28 04:04:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andachippedcup/pseuds/andachippedcup





	An Unkind Expedition

Belle’s on a bit of a health kick.

Last night she paired organic butter beans and scallops with a very expensive ’34 Châteaux Margaux he’d been saving for their anniversary. And that might have been forgivable if it weren’t for what she’d said as they were clearing the table.

It wasn’t his fault. He’d just been doing some light teasing about how he would wither away if she continued to feed him like he was a bird. Ever one to rise to the challenge though, Belle had bested him, confounded him and frightened him ever so slightly.

“If you don’t like it, you’ll just have to come shopping with me tomorrow. Then I can be sure that at least  _some_  of the groceries suit your grumpy old man tastes.” She’d grinned and he’d blanched, the prospect of doing something as…as… _normal_  and  _mundane_  as going to the grocery store seeming utterly appalling.

He was Rumplestiltskin. The Dark One. When you were a world renowned imp and sorcerer, you did not  _go shopping for groceries_!

Belle had not budged on the matter though and despite his protests she had insisted. And as punishment for complaining about their shopping trip, she’d left him alone to do the dishes.

An unjust punishment, indeed; as if going to the grocery store was not punishment enough.

—————

“You’re being ridiculous! Just come here already!” Belle sighed in exasperation as she stood on the threshold of the grocery store’s entrance.

He was hiding behind a pillar outside, the site of carts and a neatly stacked display of soda (On sale! 2 for the price of 1!) having sent him into a panic. He was  _Mr. Gold_! He was _Rumplestiltskin_! He could not,  _would not_  go to the grocery store! He had a reputation to defend!

“If you don’t get your rear in this store this instant, I will scream your first name loud enough for the entire store to hear… _Mr. Gold_.” She enunciated their last name rather loudly, drawing a few nervous and uneasy stares from nearby shoppers as they entered or exited the store.

Curse her. The damned woman knew how to play him like a fiddle. Or a cello. Or some other instrument that one could play.

With a sigh, he slid out from behind the pillar, accepting the handle of the cart to push it dutifully but most grudgingly alongside her. He hated everything about this already. The air was too cold and had too many smells from a million different things; fruits and vegetables, fresh bread and sweets, hot meats, cleaners,  _everything_. It was a veritable hurricane of smells.

“See? This isn’t so bad!” Belle grinned and patted his shoulder, taking one of his arms as she walked next to him and their cart.

“It smells.” He retorted stiffly, doing his best to breathe through his mouth as they walked toward the fresh produce section. “And it’s too cold.” He added with a growl.

“You were complaining about how hot it was outside so hush, the air conditioning feels good.” Belle countered as she looked over the selection of asparagus before she selected one. “And you yourself said that your allergies have been flaring up and you could hardly smell when we left the house. You’re just looking for excuses to complain.” She dismissed him curtly, placing two avocados into their cart and moving on to the bananas.

The trip only got progressively worse from there. They spent ten minutes looking at produce alone, as Belle weighed out a pound of strawberries and perused the fig selection. From there they’d gone to the bakery for fresh bread and then to the deli for a few pounds of turkey and ham.

From there it was a never ending marathon; they had a grocery list a mile long. Honey, almonds, dark chocolate, garlic, tissues, paper towels, whole wheat pasta, fresh tomatoes, Swiss cheese, spinach leaves, carrots, cranberry vinaigrette, salmon, oysters, granola, yogurt. And on and on it went.

He was creeping along after her down the frozen food section (looking for some cherry pops that Ashley had recommended, apparently) when it happened. He, of course, spotted Kathryn Nolan first; it wasn’t hard to miss her, considering he’d been on the lookout for anyone they knew so that he could hide himself from view.

He’d tried to duck behind Belle and edge away but his wife had thwarted that plan when she’d looked up from their shopping list to see what he was doing and instead, had spotted Kathryn.  _Talk about a backfire_.

“Kathryn!” She’d called, her voice bright as she waved the blonde over. The other woman’s expression had lit up at the sight of Belle (as so many people did; sometimes it was a damned nuisance having such a beloved woman as his wife). That expression had quickly frozen as she took note of the fact that  _he_  was with Belle.

“Belle!” Kathryn smiled though the rest of her face remained stuck in surprise; her tone conveyed the awkwardness she was feeling at seeing him here, but Belle either ignored it or didn’t pick up on it. “Mr. Gold. I’m surprised to see you here.” She remarked with a little chuckle, some of the tension easing out of her when she realized how discomfited the pawnbroker was. His only answer was a brief, stiff nod, his mortification too profound for him to manage anything more.

“Kathryn, how are you?” Belle beamed and he half expected her to link arms with Kathryn and go skipping down the aisle. Since when were these two chummy? Never mind; he took the thought back. Belle was chummy with practically  _everyone_  if for no other reason than because she didn’t know how to be anything less than nice.

And really, Kathryn wasn’t so bad. She was infinitely better than Ashley in his book.

“I’m fine Belle, how are you two?” Kathryn asked, arching a brow and smirking at Mr. Gold over Belle’s shoulder.

“Just dandy.” He gritted out, wishing he could disappear to almost anywhere else but here.

“I have to admit, I’m surprised to see you out of your shop, Mr. Gold.” Kathryn mused and that wry smile that was pulling at the corner of her lips sent him over the edge.

“Just taking a respite from skinning the children that I hunt, dearie. I wouldn’t get too used to seeing me out and about.” He rumbled, which earned him a glare of reproof from his wife.

“Don’t mind him, he thinks he’s too big and bad to do a little grocery shopping.” Belle chortled with a dismissive wave. “Tell me, how are you and Freddy getting on?” Belle questioned as the two women continued on down the aisle, leaving a very beleaguered Gold in their wake.

——-

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about, it wasn’t that bad. And we were there less than an hour.” Belle remarked as they finished putting away the last of the groceries. He muttered under his breath and it was probably a fortunate thing she didn’t catch what he’d said, though she did frown at him a little.

As he collected the grocery bags up, Belle suddenly turned puzzled and glanced around in confusion, prompting him to look around too. He, however, saw nothing out of place or particularly noteworthy.

“Something the matter, dearie?”

She held up a single finger to pause him and disappeared down the hallway. He waited in silence for her until she returned a few minutes later with a look of consternation.

“It seems I forgot to buy something at the store.” She remarked, looking most upset by the matter. “And I don’t have time to run back because I agreed to meet Ruby for tea in fifteen minutes.”

Damn her. Though he hated the grocery store, he’d go back for her if it meant she’d wipe that sad little look off her face; he hated seeing her less than pleased.

“What is it little lamb? I can get it for you.” He sighed heavily, as if he was doing her some great favor when in reality, she would be doing him a favor by allowing him to do this little thing for her. Upon hearing his words, Belle beamed in response and darted forward to kiss his cheek.

“You’re a dear, you know that Rum? I need a box of tampons. Love you, now I have to run!” She grinned and was it just him, or was there a decidedly  _devious_  gleam in her eyes as she flitted out the door before he could raise a coherent complaint.

This was dirty pool. Sending him back to the dreaded grocery store for  _feminine products_? She was a wretched, wretched woman, truly. And he was at her mercy, impossible to resist her because of that sticky little entrapment known as ‘love’.

——-

He wasn’t sure if keeping his sunglasses on while inside the store would do anything to hide his identity, but he was willing to risk it. He had kept his head down as he’d slunk back into the store, doing his best to avoid making eye contact with anyone at all. He had to do a circuit of the store to find the aisle he was looking for though, an unfortunate byproduct of his having never had cause to visit it before.

He didn’t like the aisle. Lots of purples and pinks jumping out from the shelves; they could package them up dainty all they wanted, but no one was fooling him. He knew what dangers lurked beneath the pretty packaging.

And why,  _why the bloody hell_  were there so many different types? He really didn’t see the need for it, honestly. And he hadn’t a clue what to get her. Did women have a favored…err… brand or type? He didn’t know. He made a point of not knowing, actually, and he was damn happy that way.

He thought he could distantly remember seeing a blue box in her cabinet beneath the sink once, so he supposed he’d opt for one of those. He’d just grabbed the box and made a beeline out of the aisle when he collided with something solid that made a loud “umph” as he ran headlong into it.

The ‘it’ in question turned out to be the Sheriff, Henry and the young teacher close behind her. Of all the people he could have run into and it’d had to be the savior.  _Fuck_.

“Watch it!” Emma snapped, just barely able to stop herself from falling. She turned a blazing pair of eyes on him and quickly her expression changed from one of anger to miffed surprise. “Mr. Gold? What are you doing here?”

“Why does everyone keep asking that?” He grumbled. “I am a man, last I checked Sheriff Swan, and I need to eat just like the rest of you.” He explained briskly as he sidestepped the young woman and her companions.

“Yeah, quite the grocery assortment you’ve got there.” Emma intoned sarcastically, inclining her head in the direction of the box he had slung under his arm. He was distantly aware of how hot his cheeks had become as Mary Margaret bit back a smile and ducked her head. It was wee Henry though, that struck the deepest blow.

“Tampons?” He read aloud as he gave the box a scrutinizing stare. “You’re not going to _eat_  those, are you Mr. Gold?” He asked, his young little face scrunched up in a clearly confused expression.

From somewhere behind Emma, he heard Mary Margaret stifle a snort of laughter and Emma bit her lip to keep from laughing. His own hand was shaking a little as he gripped his cane tighter and shook his head at the lad.

“No Henry my boy, I’m not.” He choked out, his eyes going dark as he watched Emma and Mary Margaret smacking each other and stifling their laughter. Of course they enjoyed watching this.

“So if you aren’t eating them, then what are they for?” Henry asked, clearly puzzled and oh heavens help him, he shouldn’t have made that comment about being a man and needing to eat because the boy thought the tampons were for eating and  _why was this happening_? He’d have to pay Belle back tenfold for this later.

“I’ll explain it to you in a couple years, kid.” Emma spluttered, managing to hold back her laughter but unable to keep a straight face as she led Henry away, her and Mary Margaret in silent hysterics. “Bye Mr. Gold!” She called over her shoulder before she broke out with a howl of laughter as they rounded the corner.

He couldn’t decide if he would have preferred to run into Regina, or the trio he just did. Both seem equally unattractive options. He’d ignored the look of amusement directed at him by the store clerk and he’d raced back to his car and away from the store, muttering curses from the old world under his breath.

Never again.

——-

“If you want to kill me dearie, next time please just use my dagger.” He announced as he walked through the front door, prompting Belle to poke her head around the corner to beam up at him.

“But that would be ever so messy! And whoever said I wanted to kill you, hmm?” She grinned, pressing a quick kiss to his lips as she took the bag and darted up the stairs. He glared after her, well aware that she’d faked the tea thing as an excuse to make  _him_  run to the store so she could enjoy seeing the after affects of making him squirm.

“Enjoyed tea, did you?” He asked grumpily and she cast him a wide grin.

“We had to cancel, sadly. But thanks ever so much for running to the store for me; I knew you could do it.” And damn it if her smile doesn’t weaken his resolve to be grumpy.

“The things I do for you, little lamb.” He scowled, but there was no strength behind it; she had him wrapped about her little finger and they both knew it.

“It wasn’t so bad.” She replied as he seated himself beside her.

“Was so.” He winced, recalling the encounter with Henry, Sheriff Swan, and Mary Margaret.

“Just because Emma and Mary Margaret saw you? Really, I thought your hide was thicker than that, Rum.” She gave him a wicked grin and he gaped at her in response.

“How do you know?” He demanded, puffing up indignantly.

“Texting dear. You might want to get with the 21st century.” She chuckled as she stood and walked to him, giving his cheek a kiss as she seated herself on his lap, one arm slung over his shoulder. “And if you had stopped pouting when we were at the store together you would have noticed that it wasn’t a  _punishment_.”

“I fail to see how any part of that excursion was rewarding.” He responded, his eyes trained on hers as she leaned in and touched her forehead to his.

“That’s because you’re a right fool when you want to be. Otherwise you might have noticed that about half the foods I picked out are aphrodisiacs.” She breathed, her lips pulling into a coy smile as his brows arched in surprise. If this is her way of sweet talking him, he’s all ears. Aphrodisiacs? Come to think of it, there  _were_  strawberries. And oysters. And chocolate. And honey…. _she wasn’t kidding_.

“Is that so?” He asked, his voice low and his lips holding a pleased little smirk.

“Mmhmm. And you didn’t even notice. So I sent you back the second time round as a punishment. You really should pay more attention when I’m trying to treat you.” She feigned a pout and he nodded as he cupped her face in his hands.

“So it would seem.” He grinned before he kissed her full on the lips, feeling her smile more than he saw it. He grinned back and kissed her again, enjoying the taste of her lips (like sugar cane, he thought with a little sigh of contentment).

Leave it to his little Belle to use the grocery store as a façade for seduction.


End file.
